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Woodshed Spanking
For Large Misbehaviors
The Apitong Paddle
The behind of a grown person can be rendered 100% as spankable as that of any child of any age. To achieve that effect you have to bust the butt, and we have special equipment for that. It is simple but effective.
The equipment is twofold: the Apitong paddle, and the light paddle.
(This paddle is especially good for the dungarees-and-yoga-mat technique explained in the “Going Over the Knees” section. For the meditation seat, the original self-applied or the hole paddle are far superior.)
The high-gloss finish of the traditional fraternity paddle is not the best. Oil-soaked finish (simply successive rubbings with boiled linseed oil) gives a more authoritative paddle, but best of all turns out to be simply raw, unfinished hardwood. It spanks better, and therefor produces better, more obedient behavior. To be valued are hardwoods that are more tightly grained, and denser, therefor heavier. So far, the best has been Apitong wood, from the Philippines, although there are several species of Apitong, and I’ve only seen one.
The Apitong I have is from the sideboards of a 2004 Chevrolet box truck. Since the boards are only 5¼”, I couldn’t make one that would get both sides at once properly, so I had to fashion a handle. I did, from a 2x2 (2x2’s are now 1and 3/8” square) and it has become the most powerful paddle I ever had. Here are three pictures showing the construction:
Caution: This paddle, if used with anything like a one/week frequency, will basically meat-tenderize your behind. In that condition you will need a much lighter paddle for ordinary spanking. You can easily make one by cutting an 8-inch by 5¼ piece of half-inch (actually 0.455) plywood (3/8 is too light), mounting an 11½-inch by 1-and-7/16 by 3/4-inch stick of wood on it (these are probably sold as 1 X 2’s), and affixing with six 1-inch wedge-head woodscrews. Drill 5/64-inch, and countersink by touching the drill-holes with a 9/32 - inch bit. Use white glue. The screws will clamp it. See illustrations below.
You will know when the butt is busted -- to smack it even once more with the apitong would be an act of sadomasochism. At this point, you use the light paddle to spank with. You might have to adjust the thickness of the light paddle's blade. Once the butt is busted, it remains in that condition for many weeks, but, miraculously, you are only aware of it when you are getting one.
Then, typically, if, say, you're getting a maintenence spanking, it will probably take two or three with the apitong to get it back into the butt-busted condition. Then you finish spanking it with the light paddle. If you've done it properly, there will be a deep, roseate glow throughout the entire musculature, along with a significant pain that also suffuses the muscles.
Pretty soon you behave. Yes sir.
Even if you never need it, it is good to have the means of applying a very hard, woodshed-type spanking as a consequence that you know is there -- one more very good reason to not skate too close to holes in the ice.
Going Across the Knees
Somehow there is nothing like going over the knees, for making a spanking be as it should. It is archetypal. When you are over the thigh-tops, being spanked, something feels just exactly right, and all of the good parts of the punishment -- taking the lesson to heart and all that -- seem to be enhanced and more powerful. And when the possibility of that is a constant, real, and immanent threat, behavior will improve, because going over the knees is so nice, and has such attractions about it, that the threat is realer, and requires a lot less will power.
The good news is that fully grown people are by no means too big for this. And the situation can easily be simulated with an end table and two 3/8-inch yoga mats rolled up and stuffed into the legs of an old pair of dungarees from the top.
You go over them and apply the principles you have already learned about self-applied paddling (always on the bare bottom, remember), and you’re not going to forget that right away. Much to your surprise, this does not feel contrived or unnatural. You don’t feel silly; you feel like, “Oh no, here I am again. Over them and getting one.”
And if you are alone, and the mind starts to wander during meditation or whatever, or you start to permit impure thoughts, all you have to do is think of that equipment, being there, in the other room. The behavior will improve. Because you can take that little brat into the other room by his ear any time you want, and put him over them and spank him. I don’t care how big he is.
The mats I’m using measure 24¼” X 71”. Though they are sold as ½”, they’re really just shy of 3/8 of an inch. Rolled up, they measure 6 inches in diameter. The table is 17” wide, 22” long, and 22” high. This works well for me, and I am 5-foot seven and three quarters inches tall, and weigh about 140 pounds.
For details on the table's construction, click here.
You may use this technique in your self-discipline. If challenged by usurpers on the claim that you have submitted to another, you may demand that they leave you, affirming that it is self-discipline, and not submission. If they are difficult to expel, you may refer them to me. I am Supposedtobedube, the founder of Unism, which can be found as book III of this website, "The Unist Religion".
The The Babysitter Robot
This technique will improve your behavior. It brings you back to when your “disc” was originally formatted, and deepens your discipline-fear. You should have the table, the pants-stuffed-with-yoga-mats, and preferably the apitong paddle, from the above text.
In addition, you will need a small, powerful, portable computer speaker, such as the iwave model SP58045 (iBS045), pictured below, costing about $25, and an mp3 recorder/player of some sort.
When you are going to get one, turn on the recording and play it quite loud through the portable speaker. Then you simply obey it, as you would if you were a small child being given one.
The State of the Art
Reflecting on how this way of self-discipline has evolved, the following is how a person committed to the way would apply hard spanking to make himeslf behave: he would possess himeslf of the following equipment:
01. The table
02. The dungarees with yoga mats stuffed into the legs
03. The apitong paddle
04. The light paddle given with the apitong
05. The babysitter robot
When the apitong paddle is properly used, i.e., a spanking is 5 punishment units, and up to 2 additional units are applied, depending on the behavior being punished, and your discipline is such that you are getting such treatment about once a week for 3 or 4 weeks, the behind will enter the tenderized condition.
In the tenderized contition, you reach a point at which to continue with the apitong would be an act of sadomasochism, and you have to switch to the light paddle.
This tenderized condition lasts a long time. If you go 2 - 3 weeks without getting any, you will find that you can take one, two, three or more whacks with the apitong, before having to switch. The longer you go, the more apitong you can take.
There is something almost magical about this condition. I believe that it is God-intended, for those who use spanking as their behavior-control discipline. In this condition, a good spanking with the light paddle will make your buttocks, to deep within the musculature, feel like they are on fire, and you stand there and hurt for a minute or so, thinking "ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
Man -- does that make you behave. The other magical part is that you only notice the tenderized condition when you are getting a spanking. At other times, it’s perfectly normal.
Regular spankings of this kind will improve your behavior. The result of one of them is that the punishment reception area becomes exquisitely vulnerable and punishable. After the spanking with the light paddle, if it has been decided that there will be a punishment, the punishment can given with the apitong or the light paddle, depending. Not more than two smacks.
When the way has been internalized, such that it actually is your way of contrtolling yourself (which does involve becoming dependent upon it), you are in a position to control your initiative, your behavior, and your destiny -- all cognitively.
The 13-34
Also at woodshed level, for large misbehaviors, the 13-34 should be considered.
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